


Cards Against Cybertron

by Artemis_Dreamer



Series: Cards Against Cybertron [1]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Cards Against Humanity, Cybertron, GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program), Gen, I Don't Even Know, Make Your Own, Modified Card Game, PDF Link
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:21:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10085459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artemis_Dreamer/pseuds/Artemis_Dreamer
Summary: A modified version of a popular and highly offensive card game, that I spent way too much time making.Fun to play, maybe a bit less fun to print out first.





	1. CARD LISTING

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Bigger, Blacker Bot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5048530) by [Enfilade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enfilade/pseuds/Enfilade). 



> WARNING: Cards Against Humanity is a game which contains a great deal of offensive/potentially triggering content. The Cybertronian version that I've created also contains similar content. Don't say I didn't warn you!
> 
> Enfilade, if you would like me to take this down and/or remove the content inspired by your work, please let me know.

I am UNABLE to share the printable card images directly due to size and data constraints on the Archive. A compiled PDF of all 17 pages of cards can be downloaded at this link:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/k1e7bxbolas2bar/Cards%20Against%20Cybertron%20V1.pdf?dl=0

See below for a listing of all cards included. Full sized images can also be found in my Imgur album here: http://imgur.com/a/jtxId

WHITE CARDS

PAGE 1:  
Functionism.  
A time travel paradox.  
Death by Traitor’s Wheel.  
Chief Justice Tyrest.  
Nightmare fuel.  
Militant Monoform Movement.  
Thunderwing’s Pretender Shell.  
A big bag of T-Cogs.  
Leakers huffing coolant fumes behind a dumpster in Rodion.  
Eight billion organic corpses rotting in the light of a binary sun.  
Leadership of a Mortilus death cult.  
Explosions.  
Police brutality.  
Ten Ammonite prostitutes.  
A barrel of diesel-based hooch.  
Lubricant.  
Four million shanix in ill-gotten gains.  
A weak energon spritzer.  
Ten terabytes of Lithonian porn.  
A really nasty virus.

PAGE 2:  
Autobot Special Ops.  
Soundwave fendered out of his mind on circuit boosters.  
Getting Star Sabered.  
Robots in Disguise.  
War without end.  
Peace through tyranny.  
Backfiring and walking away.  
Interfacing with a turbofox.  
Doing the right thing.  
Going into combat while high as frag.  
Not giving two scraps about Rodion.  
Starscream.  
My collection of high-tech frag toys.  
Fragging Optimus Prime in exchange for a promotion.  
Misfire.  
A thing with three heads that keeps insisting it has no head.  
Galvatron, the Barbarian King.  
Eating out Megatron’s valve.  
A dead MTO.  
Land mines.

PAGE 3:  
Cannon fodder.  
K-Con Recruitment Office.  
A mission into uncharted space.  
The Wreckers.  
Taking volunteers.  
Chilly interface with a refrigeration unit.  
The Galactic Council’s stupid hats.  
A shock baton up my valve.  
Jacking into a generator.  
A first-printing edition of Towards Peace.  
An Autobot Insignia.  
Will It Blend?  
A really, really big gun.  
Electric shock therapy.  
Prowl’s sexy, sexy doorwings.  
The Covenant of Primus.  
Human germs.  
Optimus Prime uncontrollably guzzling lubricants.  
A steamy affair with a Senator.  
The Matrix of Leadership.

PAGE 4:  
A blowjob from Megatron.  
Stealing a Warworld.  
Pulling Megatron’s trigger.  
Erotically inhaling bees.  
Shapeism.  
The Hardworking Kaonian.  
Spike Envy.  
Chunks of dead Predacon.  
Unicron himself.  
Invading the city of Iacon.  
Trypticon Prison.  
Overcharged seekers.  
Deactivated sparklings.  
Unicron’s left ball bearing.  
Teaching a drone to love.  
A really cool mod.  
A mech on the brink of overload.  
One Pit of a recharge fantasy.  
A used transport sales-mech.  
My protoform.

PAGE 5:  
My interface array.  
Three spikes at the same time.  
Self-service.  
Tarn’s voice.  
A valve overload.  
One trillion shanix.  
An aft-helmed spawn of a glitch.  
Amicae with benefits.  
Premature deactivation.  
A petrorabbit smoking a cygar.  
The violation of our most basic mechanoid rights.  
A fully charged fusion cannon.  
Running out of transfluid.  
As The Kitchen Sinks.  
The Decepticon Army.  
Aft port interface.  
Chainsaws for servos.  
The anterior node.  
Consensual interface.  
The duties of a conjunx. 

PAGE 6:  
Some Primus-damned peace and quiet.  
The DJD.  
Tarn wearing an Autobot mask.  
Cards Against Cybertron.  
The caste system.  
Cuddling.  
Science.  
Court-ordered rehabilitation.  
Bingeing and purging.  
Overcompensation.  
Civilian casualties.  
The art of seduction.  
Magnets.  
Destroying the evidence.  
Crippling debt.  
Public ridicule.  
Multiple stab wounds.  
Necrophilia.  
Unfathomable stupidity.  
Emotions.

PAGE 7:  
Mutually-assured destruction.  
Self-loathing.  
A thermonuclear detonation.  
Sweet, sweet vengeance.  
Battlefield amputations.  
Exactly what you’d expect.  
Saying “I love you.”  
Friction.  
Fear itself.  
The inevitable heat death of the universe.  
The Big Bang.  
Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control.  
Hope.  
Shiny objects.  
Staying online during mission briefings.  
Spontaneous combustion.  
Friendly fire.  
Large-chested femmes.  
Energon goodies.  
Cosmetic chassis reduction.

PAGE 8:  
Primus on a unicycle.  
The use of stasis cuffs during interface.  
My poor life choices.  
Unresolved sexual tension.  
Optimus Prime’s martyr complex.  
Suggestively located biolights.  
Swearing like a warbuild.  
The Well of All Sparks.  
A mindless, spike-hungry pleasure drone.  
37 Vehicons.  
My Lord High Protector programming.  
Blitzwing’s fourth personality.  
Dormant slave coding.  
The reason the Slagmaker drinks.  
Interfacing in a cave.  
Shockwave’s latest invention.  
The fluid in my lines.  
Being melted down into irradiated slag.  
Strawberry-scented rust repellant.  
That new car smell.

PAGE 9:  
The medic’s hands.  
Psychoanalysis of my oversized weaponry.  
A sparkeater.  
Running out of hot solvent AGAIN.  
Megatron’s love poetry.  
A variable voltage harness.  
Interfacing with the enemy.  
Sixteen orns in the brig.  
Alt-mode fetishists.  
Unexpected and inopportune heat cycles.  
Hysterical cassettes.  
A 15% reduction in speed.  
Buckethead.  
Vulgar comments about Knockout’s scratched finish.  
Article 32-68C of the Autobot Code.  
The Iaconian Spacebridge Repair Crews Union.  
EMP grenades.  
A private commlink frequency.  
Prowl’s glitch tactical processor.  
Being fragged by a combiner.

PAGE 10:  
A techno-organic.  
Gladiatorial combat.  
My spark.  
Vector Sigma.  
The revenge of the Fallen.  
Alpha Trion’s erectile dysfunction.  
The reason I hate femmes.  
Drinking alone.  
My current relationship.  
A gentle caress of the interface panel.  
Diverting all power to the primary thrusters.  
110% valve capacity.  
Vosnians.  
Quintessons.  
The Golden Age.  
All five Dinobots at once.  
Becoming an honorary Autobot.  
An expert in Metallicato.  
Four million years of sexually motivated civil war.  
15 million deactivated Autobots.

PAGE 11:  
Dark energon.  
A malfunctioning groundbridge.  
A spacebridge explosion.  
Zombie terrorcons.  
Sideswipe & Sunstreaker.  
Orion Pax.  
Frag toys made by Wheeljack.  
“Batteries not included>”  
Organic hunting trophies.  
Sentinel Prime’s chin.  
A Polyhexian orgy.  
The Pits of Kaon.  
The Magnus Hammer.  
Cybertron.  
The third moon of Caminus.  
Half a dozen energon cubes.  
The Original Thirteen.  
A mechanimal in the berthroom.  
Earth.  
Passive-aggressive holovids. 

PAGE 12:  
A scraplet infestation.  
Energon mining.  
50,000 volts straight to the array.  
Two minibots purging in a bucket.  
Driving off into the sunset.  
Horrifying laser scalpel accidents.  
The Bitflu.  
Galactic domination.  
Deactivating the last known NAIL.  
A cortical psychic patch.  
An endless stream of data.  
Bob.  
The valve of Solus Prime.  
5T3V3.  
Surveillance footage of Tarn fragging an Autobot.  
Altmode exemptions.  
A ninjabot.  
Overcharged Constructicons taking shots of high-grade.  
Tox-En.  
Synthetic energon poisoning. 

\---

BLACK CARDS

PAGE 1:  
I got 1337 problems, but ____ ain’t one.  
Why can’t I recharge in peace?  
How did I break my seal?  
It’s a pity that younglings these days are all getting involved with ____.  
What’s that sound?  
I drink to forget ____.  
What ended my last relationship?  
What is Soundwave’s guilty pleasure?  
This is the way the world ends – not with a bang but with a ____.  
I get by with a little help from ____.  
For my next trick, I will pull ____ out of ____.  
____ is a slippery slope that leads to ____.  
____. That’s how I want to deactivate.  
Introducing the amazing commander/SIC duo! It’s ____ and ____!  
Instead of eternity in the Pit, Unicron now punishes mechs with ____.  
War! What is it good for?  
Introducing Xtreme Warfare! It’s like warfare, but with ____!  
During interface, I like to think about ____.  
What are my carriers hiding from me?  
Step 1: ____. Step 2: ____. Step 3: Profit.

PAGE 2:  
They said we couldn’t put ____ inside of ____. They were wrong!  
But before I kill you, Prime, I must show you ____.  
The new Nemesis. With the power and space to take ____ everywhere you go.  
The mission was completely ruined by ____.  
I never truly understood ____ until I encountered ____.  
That’s right, I killed ____. How, you ask? ____.  
What gets better with age?  
Why am I missing an optic?  
Optimus, why is Megatron crying?  
What’s Ultra Magnus thinking about right now?  
Why does my aft hurt?  
When I was high on rubies, ____ turned into ____.  
What never fails to liven up the party?  
____ getting gang banged by ____.  
In Styx Prison, word is you can trade 200 rust sticks for ____.  
What did I bring back from Monacus?  
What is Phase Eight?  
What got me put on The List?  
Megatron has fallen! I, ____, am now your leader.  
How do we discipline our badly behaved recruits in the Decepticon Army?

PAGE 3:  
I will not accept your apology until I receive ____.  
When I lead the Autobots, I will erect a 50-foot statue in honor of ____.  
When I am the Ruler of Cybertron, I will create the Council of ____.  
The Cybertron National Art Museum just opened an interactive exhibit on ____.  
What helps Optimus Prime unwind?  
What don’t you want to find in your high-grade?  
How am I maintaining my relationship status?  
____. It’s a trap!  
In a universe ravaged by ____, our only solace is ____.  
____. Betcha can’t have just one!  
What’s a femme’s best friend?  
The revenge of the Fallen is ____.  
Make a haiku.  
____ + ____ = ____.  
What’s being used to inspire the Autobot Academy students to succeed?  
Life for the Autobots was forever changed when the Decepticons introduced them to ____.  
____: Sparkling tested, carrier approved.  
What did Megatron destroy today?  
What’s there a ton of in the Pit?  
What would Prowl find disturbing, yet oddly charming?

PAGE 4:  
Tonight on Dr. Rung: “Help! My cassette is ____.”  
Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative power of ____.  
Autobot guidelines now prohibit ____ on the Ark.  
Dear Rung, I’m having trouble with ____ and would like your advice.  
The Senate has discovered that ____ was really ____ all along.  
Vehicons like ____.  
A new poem from Megatron of Tarn: An ode to ____.  
What’s a foolproof way to get a femme into your berth?  
What will I bring back in time to convince mechkind that I am the rightful Magnus?  
The Iaconian government funneled millions of shanix of research into ____.  
What makes me backfire uncontrollably?  
When Cybertron was in ruins, Optimus Prime prayed for ____.  
What is my most powerful weapon?  
____: good to the last drop.  
Why am I covered in transfluid?  
Insecticons have 50% less interface when exposed to ____.  
What is the vice I refuse to give up?  
When asked for oral interface, try surprising your partner with ____ instead!  
What do 3 out of 5 medics recommend?  
Breaking News: ____ is poised to destroy life as we know it!

PAGE 5:  
What is the worst possible cause of deactivation?  
“____. This is why I hate machines.”  
If it wasn’t for ____, we’d have a whole lot more ____.  
____ is solely responsible for the destruction of ____.  
____ is why we can’t have nice things.  
After the war, how will we pay for goods and services?  
The road to victory is paved with ____.  
Tonight only at Maccadams Old Oil House: ____ and ____.  
I swear to Primus, if you don’t stop, I will beat you with ____.  
____ lands a mech in prison. ____ makes a mech an honorary Autobot.  
There is no logical reason to want ____.  
We’re entering the Age of ____.  
What do I look for in a conjunx eterna?  
Why do I hate ____? That’s easy. ____.


	2. BLACK CARDS

I am UNABLE to share the printable card images directly due to size and data constraints on the Archive. A compiled PDF of all 17 pages of cards can be downloaded at this link:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/k1e7bxbolas2bar/Cards%20Against%20Cybertron%20V1.pdf?dl=0

See below for preview thumbnails of the black cards. Full sized images can also be found in my Imgur album here: http://imgur.com/a/jtxId

[](http://imgur.com/JInCAFM)

[](http://imgur.com/N46ACOU)

[](http://imgur.com/K81aDgO)

[](http://imgur.com/MXLnXIA)

[](http://imgur.com/uPOgwct)


	3. WHITE CARDS

I am UNABLE to share the printable card images directly due to size and data constraints on the Archive. A compiled PDF of all 17 pages of cards can be downloaded at this link:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/k1e7bxbolas2bar/Cards%20Against%20Cybertron%20V1.pdf?dl=0

See below for preview thumbnails of the white cards. Full sized images can also be found in my Imgur album here: http://imgur.com/a/jtxId

[](http://imgur.com/t6FLlxY)   
[](http://imgur.com/rWwIeNC)   
[](http://imgur.com/xZcWNMc)   
[](http://imgur.com/nBQ2iWs)   
[](http://imgur.com/Fl25Rgp)   
[](http://imgur.com/ZLUSIQz)   
[](http://imgur.com/fhqSVC1)   
[](http://imgur.com/ZppSMds)   
[](http://imgur.com/UcOW2S5)   
[](http://imgur.com/M3j65iE)   
[](http://imgur.com/hMJPnP3)   
[](http://imgur.com/y3efrMJ)


	4. ACTION SHOTS

I am UNABLE to share the printable card images directly due to size and data constraints on the Archive. A compiled PDF of all 17 pages of cards can be downloaded at this link:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/k1e7bxbolas2bar/Cards%20Against%20Cybertron%20V1.pdf?dl=0

See below for action shots of my completed cards. Full sized images can also be found in my Imgur album here: http://imgur.com/a/jtxId

[](http://imgur.com/PJG4cEU)   
[](http://imgur.com/nRMr0NN)   
[](http://imgur.com/FOb6OIw)   
[](http://imgur.com/OiWM1lk) [](http://imgur.com/Jn8WNDw)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I read "The Bigger, Blacker Bot," and immediately decided that I NEEDED a real Cards Against Cybertron game. This is the result of way too much time messing around in an image editor and way too much time coming up with perverted Transformers jokes. I have no excuses.
> 
> I recommend printing on 80lb+ cardstock, in "color" for best results. Any print shop can do this, for an approximate price of $1 per page - I made mine at Staples Business Depot.
> 
> I am taking suggestions for more cards, both black and white - I want to put together an expansion featuring your ideas!
> 
> Any and all feedback is appreciated. Shoot me.


End file.
